


We're All Rotten And We're Pure

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: F/M, Gen, Headcanon, non-retcon-compliant, ten things meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-03
Updated: 2012-04-03
Packaged: 2017-11-02 23:52:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/374755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten things about Arren Kae/Kreia in KOTOR II.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're All Rotten And We're Pure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Darth Eldritch (Dark_Holocron)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_Holocron/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Title taken from "Redeemed" by Charlotte Martin -- I thought it was very appropriate for Kreia.
> 
> Originally written for the Ten Things Headcanon Meme on Livejournal -- Darth_Eldritch asked for Kreia.

  
1\. She was always...unconventional, to say the least. Her teachings about the grayer side of the Force, as well as the finer shades beyond black, white and gray, were questioned by the Jedi \-- for all their preachings about "a Jedi must always be searching for knowledge", sometimes, Arren thinks, they can be oddly restrictive when it comes to learning about...alternatives to the ordinary shades of light and dark in the Force.   
  
2\. She never expected to fall in love with Yusanis. After all, she was a Jedi Knight, and he was an Echani general. But somehow, through some bizarre quirk of the Force  
  
 _there are no co incidences, as Master Vandar liked to say  
  
_she found herself becoming dangerously attached to him. Even in love with him. _Not supposed to be th is way...not supposed to --  
  
_And yet, somehow, despite everything that happened -- Brianna, the subsequent exile from the Order for both her questionable teachings and breaking her oath to the Jedi by secretly marrying Yusanis as well as bearing his child -- Arren Kae muses, even as she takes Revan up on his some-would-say-insane plan to go to the Mandalorian Wars and save the Republic  
  
 _play ing the old game of heroes  
  
_she wouldn't have it any other way.   
  
3\. The Jedi reading her crimes as she stands before them hardly sting at all. It's Atris' reaction, however, that hurts the most: the rejection, the refusal to even consider her side of the story, to listen to what she had to say. Perhaps it's typical of Atris -- she blindly obeys the Jedi Code, and may even to her dying breath -- but somehow, Arren muses to herself as she walks out of the chamber, now in exile, it doesn't make it hurt any less.   
  
  
  
4. It's long after his argument with Arawn that he seeks her out. He doesn't have to say anything; the bloodshot, haunted eyes  
  
 _so rem iniscent of when Alek once had the fever  
  
_say it all. She's almost terrified for him  
  
 _has he lost h is mind?  
  
_before, solemnly, inviting him to her tent to spar with her. It's long after they lie on the floor, sweaty, exhausted -- Revan's almost manic laughter echoing in her ears -- that she wishes that she could do more. She's not worried about the Dark Side  
  
 _th ings like the Dark Side are mere titles, giving names to those that defied description  
  
_but she wishes, almost, that she could ease his pain. Even now, she can sense the pain that Arawn inflicted on him almost without meaning to -- _need help -- have you gone mad? -- do you care so l ittle for your own men? _And through the Force, she can feel the opposite -- guilt and frustration and restlessness and _duty_. _  
  
I f "ajasra" is still out there --  
  
_She doesn't know whether it's a title or if the threat is indeed real, lurking beyond the Unknown Regions, but even so...  
  
"Have faith, my Padawan," she says. "Someday..." She takes a deep breath, saying what she hasn't dared to say, ever since the day she was exiled from the Order. "Someday, the galaxy will see things our way."  
  
His laughter dies, and he looks at her, seeming awake for the first time in weeks.  
  
"You believe that?"  
  
"I know that." She smiles, almost pensively. "Get some sleep, Padawan."  
  
He doesn't like to sleep, of course. Sleep brings the nightmares, and with the nightmares brings that...insanity.   
  
Still, she'll do her best to ease his pain. She is no perfect Jedi, but she can't be faulted for trying.   
  
  
  
5. In her nightmares, she always remembers the ground giving way, her being sucked in. Reaching for Yusanis, trying, vainly, to tell him that everything would be all right -- only for his scream to ring through the Force along with the echo. She's all too familiar with the echo. It's more than the sound of the galaxy ending. It's the sound of a heart breaking.  
  
It's only later when she manages to, finally, claw her way out, that she finds the broken man. The stray creature. Perhaps there's something they both have in common -- they've lost their ways. Perhaps, one day, they'll find a way back.  
  
They then find the entity, _N ihilus_  
  
 _ **not ajasra, but could be  
  
**_ and from there, they continue to form the last segment of the Sith. Carrying out Revan's wishes -- they go their separate ways at first. Sion goes to the Korriban Academy for more training, while Arren Kae -- Traya -- stays at the Trayus Core, training students that will come in time. Nihilus is forever restless, yearning, devouring, _wanton_ \-- almost l ike her former Padawan, without the finesse.  
  
In time, however, they'll become the finest Sith that ever lived. Brilliant Dark stars, shooting across the galaxy, making all tremble before them in both awe and terror.  
  
But for now...now they must bide their time. Wait.   
  
  
6\. Ultimately, it's waiting that pays the price. Even after she stumbles away from Sion and Nihilus, her former apprentices, oddly grief-stricken (how could she possibly be, when she knew what was going to happen?), Force-crippled, and sick in heart and mind, Darth Traya, formerly Arren Kae, vows to trust neither Jedi nor Sith ever again.   
  
  
7\. Under the moniker of Kreia -- a bittersweet synthesis, of sorts, of her former lives, both Kae and Traya -- she takes Arawn Sinn under her wing. There's something about the girl -- something so oddly captivating that even if she hadn't survived the sudden disruption of the Force at Malachor  
  
 _a d isruption she created  
  
_she would have become Kreia's student. For now, though, Kreia continues to nurture and protect her. But it's not with love. Not at first.   
  
8\. _Love._ It's such an odd word to describe Kreia's relationship with the Jedi Exile, Arawn Sinn, but somehow, in a way, she does love her. She didn't think she felt it on Peragus II \-- perhaps the feeling she felt was a feeling of elation, that she could finally manage to undo everything she'd done in the past (all her failures, all those dreams that never came to fruition). Perhaps a bit of amusement at the girl's naivetie, and a bit of pity for her situation -- _both of us outs iders_ \-- but not love. Love was an entirely different emotion from that.  
  
But eventually, one could say that, in her way, she fell in love with the Exile. She doesn't deny that Arawn is a trial at times -- she's temperamental, conflicted, inconsistent in her emotions, naive, stubborn, and when she's questioned in her beliefs, she withdraws and turns to ice. It takes quite a while to pry her out of her sudden, almost un-Jedi-like...moods for lack of a better word, and the Jedi martyr complex left over no doubt from Malachor and years of flawed teachings doesn't seem to help either.  
  
But at the same time, her perseverance is admirable, and beneath the emotional mess caused by Malachor  
  
 _so stup id and so sorry  
  
_she still has hope. For all she aggravates, she also manages to soothe. There are times when Kreia, unwittingly, finds herself taking comfort in Arawn's presence -- in the presence of this brash, inconsistent, yet unexpectedly likeable young woman. _"You worry too much, Ex ile."  
  
_And the sound of that laughter, that sweet, vibrant laughter -- the poor girl does not laugh quite enough.  
  
 _" I have to," she teases back. "Because the rest of you hardly worry at all."_  
  
  
9. It's that love that makes her step into the Enclave, to protect the Exile from the Jedi Masters who want to strip her of the Force. She can still see traces of the Jedi martyr complex in Arawn's eyes, her shock that her mentor would come to protect her even though she's a Force abomination -- little does she know.  
  
"She brought you truth, and you condemn it? The arrogance! You will not harm her. You will not harm her, ever again."  
  
Even as the Jedi Masters express surprise at her return -- even shock -- Kreia smiles to herself. _So i gnorant. So...blind. _  
  
They don't see their deaths coming either. The lives crushed out of them, their failures playing out behind their eyelids...they were no doubt so used to praise that they didn't know of the many, many people they betrayed. _Revan. The i nnocents on the Outer Rim. Arawn. Atris, even. And me.  
  
_They're dead before they hit the ground.  
  
  
10\. Even now, as Arawn walks towards her, eyes stained with tears -- she's no doubt experienced Sion's death, the perverse... _love_ he felt for her i n his last moments -- Kreia does not make a move to draw her lightsaber. Not yet. She can sense that Arawn's intent is not to attack -- yet -- but to gain answers. And it's only sensible. _I would, after all, make a poor teacher if I did not give her the answers she sought here now.  
  
_Even looking deeper into those eyes, Kreia can see so many things. Pain. Confusion. Sympathy. _I know who you are, Kreia. I know you used to be Arren Kae, Brianna's mother, Revan's teacher, one of my comrades. Can't you remember that?  
  
_Of course she does. She simply doesn't wish to acknowledge such a thing.  
  
There's silence between master and apprentice, and as Kreia looks into the eyes of Arawn Sinn for perhaps the final time, she knows what must be done. One must kill the other -- one of them must end this, or all they've suffered for, fought for, _l ived_ for will be for nothing.  
  
"At last you have arrived," Kreia says. "Is Malachor as you remember?"


End file.
